Christianity and Oral Sex?

Reaching way back into my collection of old questions and answers …

Question – “I and my wife have recently turn our lives over to Christ, she asked me a question that I don’t feel comfortable with asking my pastor (I am praying for more courage), is oral sex permissible in a Christian marriage?”

Reply – Thanks for the question.  Oral sex can be an issue like smoking marijuana – it is not explicitly identified in the Bible, so what is the Biblical understanding?  Thankfully, it can also be answered the same way – what are the Biblical principles and truths that are directly related? Sex, by its very nature, involves our whole being (physically, mentally, emotionally, etc.) – this is in part why it is reserved for the marriage context. When two people get married (“become one”) part of the “oneness” is the experience of sex, whether it is oral or not.  There does not seem to be anything in the Bible that would indicate that oral sex would be any different than regular (for lack of a better word!) sex.  Any area like this should be influenced by the Holy Spirit – if the people who are involved in an activity (in this case, you and your wife alone) sense that the Spirit (often through your conscience) is indicating that the activity is wrong, then you should stop until you sense that he is saying that the activity is okay.  If neither of you have the legitimate sense that oral sex in your marriage is somehow inappropriate, then you should be free to enjoy each other’s body – this is one aspect of marriage that makes it so powerful (and so exclusive).

Any thoughts?  🙂


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68 Replies to “Christianity and Oral Sex?”

  1. I am a single woman and a Christian. If I get married I dont think I would want to get involved in oral sex. Already my conscience is against it. There has been a lot of articles and discussions about oral sex and throat cancer. I dont know if there is any truth to it. If there are medical facts that oral sex is linked to throat cancer, and if God permits oral sex, why would He give permission to engage in an act that can cause you to become sick?

  2. I write as a Catholic who is alienated from RC teaching on this issue.
    When a couple commit to marriage they endow each other with their whole persons and their whole bodies. Their mutual and exclusive commitment encourages the total sharing of each with the other. This relationship has the potential for the fullest human intimacy. This life of intimacy is a seamless life. It can be a look or a word; it can be opening oneself to the other in vulnerability, or admitting to one’s inmost fears, desires and fantasies; it can be a physical massage, or kissing the body of the other. It can be many things. There is no a priori need for boundaries to intimacy set by external agencies.
    When you focus on the relationship, and the quality in that relationship, there are no clear boundaries when something is sexual. Their life together is sexual, and they have a life of seamless intimacy.
    This intimate life includes the procreative, but it cannot be reduced to it.
    Their committed intimacy allows them the space to be whoever they are and follow their personal & human natures in whatever comforts they find mutually and consensually enhancing & fulfilling.
    But the traditional theology of human sexuality seems to slice and dice the life of human intimacy grotesquely into a series of separate acts. And once isolated, every (“unhygienic”) act is outlawed, except for vaginal intercourse.
    Sexual theology has been largely a process of reductionism and minimalism which betrays a latent hatred of sexuality.
    The dismissal of all manual and oral intimacies that prepare the partners for this intercourse displays a callous ignorance of even how vaginal intercourse takes place.

    And when St Paul condemned certain activities he was speaking from a worldview that had no concept of Homosexuality for example. The ancient view was that all creatures were made heterosexual and that was that. In effect they condemned heterosexuals performing homogenital “acts against nature”. But we now know from new sciences such as natural science and developmental psychology that God made them “male & female”….and homosexual, and some of more or less indeterminate gender. We now know that at least 1500 species practice homosexuality, often more frequently than heterosexual encounters. Even in creatures that mate for life 4-5% of Geese pairs are homosexual and 10% of Black-Headed Gull pairs are Lesbian.
    We know also know that masturbation is very common in many animals; the Oragutan even makes dildos for the purpose. Oral sex also occurs widely in the animal world mostly as foreplay or to determine receptivity but also as autofellatio in Goats, Sheep, Hyenas, and Bats as well as in primates.
    Moving closer to ourselves our closest relatives Bonobos have only recently been studied. They engage in frequent and varied sexual acts and this seems to serve as a conflict avoidance mechanism. Masturbation and oral/genital contact occur and female to female genital rubbing is frequent leading to strong female bonds which seem to make them the dominant gender. Although sex is all-pervasive it is not primarily so for reproduction. Females are receptive for most of their cycle (unlike chimps) and they indulge in frequent intercourse and other sexual contacts, but the average female only has a single infant every 5 years. Infants are nursed until 5 years old and mature around 14. The dependency period of the young is more toward the human but nuclear families, do not exist as paternity would always be uncertain.
    This is not to say we are Bonobos any more than we are chimps. But, just as the church had to accept that the earth circled the Sun and not vice versa, and that evolution is God’s means of creation, the Church must be open to reconsidering what is “natural”. The church’s tempestuous and fearful relationship with science does her no favours……..
    The Catholic Church’s sexual teachings are still bound to the ancient world’s simplistic worldview of a “natural” sexuality directed purely toward reproduction.
    This is now completely unsustainable. We now know that sexual activity includes many variations throughout nature and that it serves other vital functions than reproduction.
    Protestant fundamentalists struggling with evolution are paralleled by Catholic fundamentalists locked into an unsustainable position about what is “natural” in sexuality.
    This is a great misfortune as the real contributions Catholicism could make in the critique of license or abortion is lost, in the din of Catholic teaching painting itself into an obscurantist corner.
    The rigid obsession with analysing individual physical acts is a distraction. It distracts from the more important questions of the relationship. We should be looking at the context of love, or the process between the couples and about balancing selfish satisfactions with caring for and exploring the other’s needs. Currently all this is left to often amoral councils.

    e.g. Cunnilingus & Nature
    Many Churches still condemn cunnilingus for no more reason than that it is not essentially the “natural” vaginal procreative act.

    But only a small fraction of women can reach orgasm solely by intercourse, whereas virtually all the women who are capable of orgasm can achieve it with (or solely with) cunninlingus….Cunnilingus or manual masturbation is an essential part of the full “natural” sexual function of most women.
    What are the implications concerning natural law?
    The Church’s idea that intercourse was completed when the man ejaculated evinces a solely procreative view of sex. This is an insult to woman’s own ability to orgasm and complete intercourse in her own God-given way.
    Evolution & the Natural Sciences should have made us reconsider the equally biblical view that sex was for companionship for “It was not good for man to be alone”.
    The human infant requires many, many years of parenting and this requires a pair-bond virtually unknown in other mammals.
    The ground of this bond is sexuality, but it is necessarily enhanced compared to other mammals. The human female can welcome sex at all times, irrespective of oestrus, pregnancy or feeding; she is capable of (& needful of) orgasm & satisfaction……but NOT usually by intercourse! What does this mean?

    The other activities of intimacy (which the supremely naturally intelligent and curious human inevitably tries) widen & deepen intimacy. The time spent helping the woman to achieve her orgasm, whether manually or orally, (involving discussion and communication) is intimacy-deepening. The need to spend time and thought in communication and exploratory experimentation all deepens the pair bond.
    Were her orgasm as simple as a man’s, the act could again reduce to the brief encounters of most mammals.
    Oral sex (and soixante-neuf) is a deeply intimate practice, in some respects perhaps even more intimate than vaginal intercourse. The human-bonding function of this appears completely natural. There is no evidence that oral sex or masturbation replaces the reproductive act. On the contrary, while marriages thrive on intimate openness and variety, it is inconceivable that intercourse is going to ever be anything other than “normative” with a small “n”.
    So far from respecting the natural law I believe the Church denies it.
    She has a way out of the corner when she is ready to avail herself. She simply has to look at nature with open eyes. Unfortunately RC theology is written by celibates who guard an manichaen inheritance from Augustine of

    Human sex is more than Animal Sex
    Additional to the necessarily enhanced human sexuality, sex is “en-cultured” as are all things human. It is no longer simply & solely the basic procreative act. Just as food becomes cuisine, talking leads to poetry, tool-making leads to Technology, humming leads to symphonies, sex will also be celebrated & en-cultured in music, art and knowledge. The real question is (just as there is good & bad art) what is a healthy positive celebration of the gift of our sexuality?

    But the (celibate-led)RC Church is locked into a Scholastic philosophy that must “slice & dice” up people’s private lives with the objective of condemnation.
    Only the basic animal procreative act is left as“the norm”.
    Then the flesh-hating, reductionist spirit declares that everything that is not “the norm”, or extra to “the norm”, is evil or “disordered”. The “minimum-necessary” becomes the “maximum permissible”
    This is inhuman because humans embellish, expand, explore and celebrate everything in themselves which is human.
    This reductionism betrays a hatred of the flesh. There is a wish to outlaw every (unhygienic) intimacy that is not vital to procreation. Only the functional coupling of the animals of the field, which is (regrettably?) necessary for reproduction, is permitted! It actually degrades human sexuality back to its animal bare bones.

    It is nonsense to try to isolate this act, bless it, reify it, and put it on some symbolic pedestal. The condemnation of everything “unnecessary” shows the whole is hated per se. But since this one core act is unavoidable, it is stripped bare and placed in
    a sacred box & blessed. Some small clean thing is extracted from a vast unclean tendency.

    If two shipwrecked children grew up alone on a desert island with no teaching or knowledge of sex, would not nature take its course? What intimacies might they explore before they discovered the procreative one? And, having found the procreative act, would all those explorations that preceded it, or different acts of intimacy, now be seen as “disordered” and abandoned?
    I like to think that the God who is love, who makes trillions of galaxies is neither so petty nor flesh-hating. He gave us a curious nature that embroiders and embellishes all that we do from pottery, to architecture to music and sex.
    So humans “make love” which is much more than animal-coupling, and it may well mean giving cunnilingus or masturbation for the proper completion of sexual intimacy for a woman. The necessary-minimum is not the permissible-maximum. If it were, we should wear no clothes, build no shelters, cook no food and use no transport, for this is all unnecessary & “disordered”

    Everything but vaginal intercourse is defined as “an evil act”. The writers have plainly never been there. How to you get to intercourse without foreplay? It is the writer who reduces sexuality to the basic animal act.

    The language of sex of Couples “chastely united” doesn’t do it. One really wonders how celibate writers think sex occurs in a marriage…..Perhaps in the dark, unconsciously, by “accident” with pleasure strictly minimised?
    Perhaps we should “Lie back & think of the mystical union between God & His Church”!
    That union refers to the RELATIONSHIP not the sex acts.
    Let a couples sex be exciting, don’t try to make it “pure”.
    The purity is in the relationship. The depth and quality of love and commitment is its purity. Sex is an important part of maintaining and deepening this. Trust the couples to know their own natures and leave them free to express their nature and themselves with one another. They do not need a huge checklist of “Don’ts” from theologians in bed with them.
    The Church has a real problem accepting the pleasure in sex. They accept that food may be enjoyed through our taste buds, and the “unnatural” practices of cookery and cuisine are not condemned. But sexual pleasure, even though a gift from God, is to be minimised or totally denied wherever remotely possible.
    Frankly it is ridiculous. May a man kiss his wife’s mouth with his tongue? Yes presumably.
    Where else? Her Hands? Her feet? Her legs? Her Thighs? Her nipples? Her Labia?
    The last in this list are specifically endowed by God (nature) with odours and tastes invited tasting. But the nature-hating celibates and traditionalists don’t like this.

  3. Question: Under what circumstances can a married couple engage in sex? Only to procreate and not pleasure? Otherwise it would be lust and that’s a sin and is unholy? That’s what the opponents of oral sex (or oral stimulation) seem to say.

    Also, in 1 Cor 6:9 the Greek for homosexuals is arsenokoites, which means the one who takes the active male role in homosexual intercourse, and the Greek for effeminate is malakos, which is the passive partner in male-to-male sex act. In 1 Tim 1:10, it talks about sexually immoral men (pornois) and homosexuals (arsenokoites). Perhaps knowing the exact word in the Greek brings some clarity to this discussion.

    The Greek definitions are from: Swanson, J. (1997). Dictionary of Biblical Languages with Semantic Domains : Greek (New Testament) (electronic ed.). Oak Harbor: Logos Research Systems, Inc.

  4. Hmm. I’m a woman, am married and do not find the act of penetration pleasurable or sensuous. I have a medical condition that makes it extremely painful actually. As a result, my husband and I don’t engage in intercourse often but we do incorporate other kinds of intimacy. What is God’s plan for this situation?

  5. Okay, I’ve been reading this topic and I gotta say; I’m confused. A lot of these responses I can’t help but tilt my head at. Er, before you read on, I’m going to warn you that none of this is sugarcoated..

    The impression I’m getting is that a husband and wife can’t really do anything other than normal sex, ever. Drawing from some of the posts I’m reading, I couldn’t kiss a girl’s cheek or neck because my mouth isn’t made for anything but eating. I can’t fondle a breast because they’re not made for that, nor could I use my mouth because I’m not a child feeding. I can’t give her a playful squeeze because my hands could contract something that I could pass to someone else if I don’t wash them, and along with that, she isn’t allowed to touch me AT ALL because it would be a sin?

    From what I gather, if a couple is ever aroused for any reason that they blatantly shouldn’t be, they basically get to kiss, hug and go straight to missionary position sex (face to face), EVERY time. That.. sounds like it would get really boring after a while. And every time they have sex, it has to be for God, and not really for pleasure, fun or each other. I don’t really want to be reciting bible scriptures in my head when I’m in the middle of a session with my wife. :\

    I mean, really, handjobs being a sin? That just doesn’t make sense to me. If a couple is aroused, they’re naturally going to be feeling each other up. If either wants to keep doing that until the other orgasms, where is the sin in that? And secondarily, on the actual subject of oral sex, if either LIKE to do that, why is it a problem?

    Now, I’m not trying to justify anything that could be a sin, I’m only trying to understand. I’m trying to be a christian, and I want to please God in my life, but it sounds like we’re condemned if we do ANYTHING sexual outside of the ordinary, even inside of marriage. Obviously we can’t just do whatever we want because we like it, but I’m not seeing any reason it would be a sin for married couples to like oral.

    If my wife told me she didn’t like doing oral or thought we shouldn’t, I would respect that. But I personally don’t see it being a sin if we both enjoyed it and were married. After all, considering God created us, wouldn’t he have created the things we’re most attracted to? (IE, turn ons)
    So for instance, if someone liked a certain position that wasn’t missionary, does that make it a sin because it’s not face to face intercourse?

    I don’t think God would send someone to hell just for doing oral sex. And if it’s not the act that would send you to hell but the lust involved, then does that mean you would go to hell for committing lust with your spouse? That doesn’t make sense. o_o; Plus, God regards every sin at the same level. Lying is as bad as adultery, for instance. I’m not saying you can just get away with it but you can’t ever say oral is the worst sin someone could commit, and that they’d go to hell for it.

    Not that I want to turn my back on God–I want to seek and know the truth about these sorts of things. But in this case, I can’t help but want to throw everything I’ve read out the window. Not because I want it to be my way, but because I feel like this is something that I have to determine for myself.

  6. By the way, I called my self not a real Christian because Im just a self centered man who always wants to satisfy myself rather than God. Lord have mercy on me. WAy too many Christians out there using the Scripture to argue doing things they think the Bible says or doesn’t say. Sure you could argue that againt me too. All i know is that………from my years of watching PORN and allt his FILTH…….I realize how easily it begins to destroy you and your mind. Yet people dont see it starting to destroy they souls!

    Please dont take the LORD for granted as I did………saying “oh He is a loving God, He is this, He is that!” He is also a JUST, RIGHTEOUS, HOLY OF ALL HOLY GOD who wants purity, sanctity, and undesecration in our lives, words, actions, etc.

    Im giong to get back with my life trying to work things out with the LORD. Atleast before I die I ant to make sure I’ve what God wanted to do through me happen, and I didn’t bs with/to Him or others!

    Pastore who teach people “its ok to do”………..yeah make sure deeply what you are teachign is right! Cause you’ll get it worse.

  7. christian lady says:
    “just for you all to know I am a wife of my husband and we fight all the time because my lack of love for him because of oral sex in our lives. I believe it is not something we should be doing . It has hardened my heart towards him. He may think love comes from his penis but I think it comes from the heart. Our pastor says it is left up to choice and I believe he is deceived only to stand for what a men enjoy. Not even caring about what it does to women. I pray God will reveal the truth about oral sex and I am tired of keeping quite about it. I will not serve man anymore I will only serve God.”

    I agree with what you say! I have an inner battle desiring these awful things, and I have done it! I prayed to God, emptying myself to know who the Lord is. He spoke to me very clearly… These kinds of sexual deviation (oral, anal, weird fantasiesm and fetishes) are NOT OF THE LORD! It is a demonic stronghold! And people WHO WANT TO DO IT and pray to GOD ABOUT IT, I could gurantee you that you will not hear of the Lord because you have already made your mind saying “its ok”.

    Yes I HAVE DONE ORAL SEX and guess what…….if i died I know my judgement aint for heaven! Im not here to tell you or talk like mr. holy man……..I have went through hard parts in life and still am…….wondering even why Im living. But a Christian life = Jesus life = love and sacrifice for the Lord and mankind (especially).

    1. I for one am not against oral sex. I am not sure where everyone is getting that you need to stay away from oral sex to be a christian. Read the song of Solomon and all the oral sex that is talked about in that passage right in the bible. I believe that you and your mate should have hot passionate sex and express your love in a very erotic way to each other. I believe that every inch of your partners body is yours to explore and to make the other writhe in passion.

  8. oral sex is sodomy.true christian will not practice sodomy.if you have a holy spirit you will feel bad and sad if you commit oral sex. to enter heaven you have to be pure and not filthy.oral sex and anal sex is filth in god eyes and filth will never enter heaven.christian who likes filth and doesn’t feel bad is not a real christian.godless people practice all the filth like please flee the impurity and fake christians.true christian hate oral sex and all the filth.hell is ready for you you christian who doing oral sex and anal sex like sodom.god will judge you and you will not escape hell.lust has a no place in christian marriage.pleasing to god is living like an angels pure and childlike.richard.

  9. I think your question about going down on Jesus is nasty. Even though it is just a question, it is a nasty disgusting one that puts wicked imaginations into pure minds.

  10. Oh & by the way,to you who said “the husbands of Lots daughters were sodomites due to them dying there” is incorrect.
    Abraham asked God for mercy many times over to save people in the cities. Then when time was up the angels went & told Lot to get his WIFE,DAUGHTERS & THEIR HUSBANDS. The husbands weren’t gay,they just were “ok” or in other words “people pleasing” the acts around them. Kinda like today. Passive Christians. They weren’t practicing,if you read it you’ll see. If your still thinking this way you’d have to say Lots wife is also a sodomite when in fact she was just disobediant. Had NOTHING to do with her sexual life,only that she didn’t listen to the Angel of the Lord.

  11. For all of you who believe AGAINST oral sex & ALSO say that its only to be face to face with NO kissing or touching others parts…….how in the world does God say “drink of her breasts” cmon! I would never experience joy in sex if my husband didn’t touch me or kiss me in places etc. Get off your high horses pharisees!! How disgusting if I may say so of your righteous attitudes. Judge for yourselves what God says is good or bad. I know I was convicted of using things & got rid of that practice. Jesus will show you,stop asking others….everyone has “their” OPINIONS but no one knows better than God & I PROMISE YOU God will show you if you ASK HIM!!!

  12. just for you all to know I am a wife of my husband and we fight all the time because my lack of love for him because of oral sex in our lives. I believe it is not something we should be doing . It has hardened my heart towards him. He may think love comes from his penis but I think it comes from the heart. Our pastor says it is left up to choice and I believe he is deceived only to stand for what a men enjoy. Not even caring about what it does to women. I pray God will reveal the truth about oral sex and I am tired of keeping quite about it. I will not serve man anymore I will only serve God.

  13. For the soul who talked about this made for that, be sure to never kiss your wife or husband, whichever the case, as your mouth is made for eating. The Eskimos will also have to stop rubbing noses. And need I say, keep your tongue in your own mouth? That’s about how absurd the, this was made for that, line of argument is.

    Lastly, would help if one and all would put the word into its historical context. Very nearly all of the prohibition re things sexual has nothing to do with the act in and of itself. What is usually being condemned is the practice of the human in the superior power position using that power to exploit the body of another human. And so read up on the human history, and read the Koine Greek as well. Meaning that when Caligula was assassinated, he was stabbed repeatedly in the genitals by a guard that he had once sexually humiliated. And so Paul wrote to everyone familiar with the story in the church of God at Rome…Men imposing shame on men and receiving back in themselves the due reward that is fitting for their error. So was not homosexuality that Paul was condemning, but rape. And we certainly can’t say, as some did, that HIV/AIDS was the proof of that verse. None of which is to say that the homosexual act is approved, as it isn’t, but the particular passage isn’t a proof text for the disapproval. On a related note, if one understands Paul, the idoltry isn’t a means to its own end. Instead, the desire of the human to go from worship of the superhuman to worship of the subhuman is a desire for something else, injustice. And so in the idolatry depicted by Paul, the real intention is to justify, on the basis of the divine, the dehumanization relations that some want to have with others. For one last item in this respect, I am sure that you’ve all read this line:

    For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness.

    What the heck does it mean to hold the truth in unrighteousness? Doesn’t even make sense. What the Koine Greek says instead is simply that the anger of God is revealed from the heavens on all the impiety and injustice of men, who by their injustice suppress the truth. That one can understand, same in Paul’s time, same in our time, same as it ever was. To tie that in here, when you have dehumanized relations with another, and any relations, not simply sexual relations, what truth are suppressing? That’s what I mean when I spoke to most prohibition going to dehumanized relation and not merely the act itself. And you might want ask yourself, if the two are married and both are fully apprised and willingly consent, what truth is being suppressed? And I say that because elsewhere Paul writes, well, he lists any number of sins and then calls them all, idolatry. How can that be? So some of you get the point, I’m not worshipping her clitoris, I am simply using her clitoris as a means to give her pleasure. If I could do the same by rubbing her left pinkie finger I would. And she is the image of God, that is the truth, and what’s so wrong with giving the image of God pleasure in the circumstance?

    Almost forgot, but for how ultimately absurd the obsession with sexual act, there was a time in all of our lives when we were oblivious to sex (more or less). The book says that in the hereafter we won’t be getting married, and presumably because there won’t be any need to be married so that we might reproduce, since we will have put on immortality. So are you claiming that your whole fate rests on whether you give in to “urges” that you didn’t have as a child and won’t have in the hereafter, even if you’re in hell? That’s how absurd the objection is. And so you get the point, even if we limit the act to simply generic sexual intercourse, would seem that most of us have some desire for the same in this life as an adult, yes? When we aren’t given in marriage in the hereafter since the immortal has no need for reproduction, will you still have that desire for heterosexual intercourse? So, again, are you claiming that our fates rest on the failure to control an “urge” that we once didn’t have and later on in the hereafter won’t ever have again? If so, your deity is not my Deity, as mine isn’t unjust and cruel.

  14. I was looking at some of the responses, and goodness some of you are really ….. mistaken:
    Jeff gave us a definition of “sodomy” so that we know exactly what is meant in the bible passages when they use the word “sodomy”.
    a little problem: The Bible was written when? It was translated into English when? The word “sodomy” became part of the English language when? The Websters dictionary was written when? So maybe, as according to Jeff or the brilliant Doctor, the writers of the bible meant the definition that would come out of the English language over a thousand years after writing it…. Since God knows the future… brilliant! Or how about looking at what is written in the bible for a definition:
    “Behold, this was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had arrogance, abundant food and careless ease, but she did not help the poor and needy. Thus they were haughty and committed abominations before Me. (Ezekiel 16.49–50)”
    In many of the posts the posters seem to have a predetermined idea that oral sex is sin, and proceed to list bible passages that command we stay away from. How is this a biblical connection and not simply a subjective one you have in your head?

  15. Oral sex is madness. All iniquity is madness. Iniquity is in-iquity; imbalance. Match the bodies correctly. Match them right. When we see the vagina, we should not think that the mouth is to go there. That is madness; sickness. Imbalance. Iniquity. Spiritual imbalance. When we think vagina, we should think that the penis, not the mouth, is to go there. Purefect match. And the penis was not made for the mouth. That is sickness. The penis was made for the vagina. Pleasure, and much pleasure for both the male and the female, comes from the union of the penis and the vagina. It is the perfect combination – Divine linkage of the holy temples – the male and the female bodies. Keep the marriage bed pure and undefiled. So no defilement of the temples of the Ever Live In God (Eternal Spirit, Father Spirit). Keep it pure and simple. Grounded. No madness; no sickness. Spirituality is Simplicity. Match the organs right. Blessed

  16. What part of the bodies are the sex organs? Penis and vagina. The penis penetrating the vagina gives sensual pleasure to the female, eventually leading up to her climaxing and reaching orgasm. The penis penetrating the vagina gives sensual pleasure to the male as well, eventually leading up to him climaxing and reaching orgasm, too. This is how God, the Maker of the temples of human flesh, the male & the female bodies, this is how the Maker (God) designed sex. Remember in God we are Spiritual beings and flesh, not just flesh. Spirit, firstly. For, God is a Spirit, the Father of spirits; hence God is the Father Spirit. So we are to live as spirits in the Father Spirit. Flesh is secondary to the real and true children of God. So we approach flesh in the simplest of ways. Flesh pleasure was and is designed by God, but be content, be satisfied, with the simplest of ways when it comes to this thing called sex. Penis in the vagina is the purefect way of connecting the human bodies of male and female. The vagina was designed for the penis. God is the Maker, He is the Divine Designer of the bodies; not me, not any of you. None of us created the bodies. Remember that. Respect the Maker. Keep it simple and grounded when it comes to flesh pleasure. Spirit pleasure is way more than flesh pleasure. Man and wife should have more pleasure of the spirit together, and keep the flesh pleasure simple. To be born of God means you are born of the Spirit (Father God); hence you are spirit before being flesh. This is truly what being born again is. Not born of the flesh, but rather born of the Spirit(Father). Spirit of Truth (the Father) teaches and leads us into all truth. It/He is the Truth, the Life, the Way. Spirit shows that the penis and vagina are the sex organs, and much and enough pleasure comes from the connection of them alone. Mouth and anus are not sex organs, according to the Spirit. Know this. More than believe, know this like you know the back of your hand. Fact. Truth. No fantasy. Reality. Purity.

  17. Dear Friends,

    I am visiting here for the first time through a Google Search, and was surprised to find my “counseling advice” concerning “Oral sex in the Christian marriage” being posted here by Jeff, August 20, 2009 at 6:51 am, referring as written by Dr. Trudy Veerman.

    Thank you Jeff.

    As you may well understand, I am very familiar with the replies of those who pamper this “activity”, which is unholy and only satisfying the lust of the flesh. Think whatever you wish.

    Once you become willing to surrender completely to the will of God, your eyes will be opened. Not because you now cannot do oral sex, BUT because YOU DON’T WANT TO GIVE IN TO THE LUST OF THE FLESH any longer. And next you desire to live a holy life before God and man (including your spouse), as the Scripture states: “BE HOLY FOR I AM HOLY.”

    I appreciate very much the posts of SAM. In all aspects you have been RIGHT ON TARGET. I couldn’t have written it better. Really, I cannot express myself in the way you did; being as clear as a bell.

    I pray that someone may be helped here to walk the talk, in serving God Almighty and pleasing Him above all.

    Blessings to you,
    Minister Dr. Trudy Veerman.

  18. For Doug P.

    You wrote:
    “This is actually kind of silly, what part of “they become one flesh” is so hard for people to understand.”

    No Doug, what is actually incredibly silly is the directly next statement that you write. There you write that oral sex did not become popular till the introduction of the daily bath in the 1950s. So in your opinion, the individual states in the U.S. had a problem with the act because people were not bathing everyday and that caused the states to criminalize the behavior possibly due to the unhygienic conditions. However, it just baffles me that why then they didn’t outlaw sex in general since the entire body is affected by not taking a shower, and not just specific parts of it. In fact, the face would be affected the most because it is open to the atmosphere and its pathogens 24/7. In reality Doug, the act and its compliments were outlawed solely because they represented the deranged mentalities of a lustful mind that was repulsive to even the general public, who were not yet exposed to full-blown pornographic material that is prevalent today. In fact, the 1950s marked the beginnings of the pornographic industry with the establishment of playboy and its like. And by the way, you find the whole thing ‘silly’ because there are people who stand in opposition to the lifestyle you represent. I am sure you don’t find it silly due of the existence of this thread because otherwise you are labeling every individual who is doubtful of this act as silly, including the person who started this thread.

    Concerning “they become one flesh”

    Applying your logic, I can become one flesh with a woman if I thrust my hand inside her mouth or other orifices. And it does not have to be a woman either, I can do it to a man and lo and behold, I became ‘one flesh’ with that person. Since I have two hands and two feet, I can become one flesh with a total of at least four other people because according to you, becoming one flesh with another is applicable when you insert your body parts anywhere in another individual. And this conclusion on my part based on your argument is very fitting. If you say that the illustration I gave is not procreative then neither is oral sex. And if it is not orgasmic, then neither is anal sex to the woman (unless she is a deranged individual and if that is the case then inserting a hand in the mouth can also result in similar pleasures for here).

    You say “… in reality God does not care what you do within your marriage.”

    In reality, God cares even about the thoughts that are behind other thoughts that you think. In fact, it begins in the mind that defiles the entire world. You may think that you are keeping God’s favor my inhibiting yourself from lusting after a prostitute or any woman who is not your wife, in general. Then you think that you have a way around it by relieving yourself of all your bodily lusts by taking a woman to be your wife and engaging with her in all your vile passions. But the truth is, God is against lust because the sin of Adam brought the pride of life, the lust of the eyes and the lust of the flesh into the world. None of it is from the Father. Having lust for your wife is not God’s solution to your sexual depravity. God is Holy and He is the originator of love.

    You say ” if your fiancée is uncomfortable with Oral sex then I would encourage you to keep looking.”

    Really Doug? God who says that He looks at the heart and not on what is outside is the one in whose image His children are being turned into. People who are really born of God have been so confirmed to the image of Christ as they walk with Him, that they love their spouse unconditionally despite all adversities even if that spouse represents heavy burden for them to carry. However, you seem to have found another way around it. You have discovered that if your significant other is unwilling to please you in a certain sexual manner then you should discard them before you take your vows of faithfulness. And you actually advise it to the youth. It seems to me that the Christ who is sitting in your heart’s throne claiming to be Christ is anything but Christ. In fact, he seems to represent everything anti to the true Christ.

  19. This is actually kind of silly, what part of “they become one flesh” is so hard for people to understand. Oral sex within a marriage is just fine and should not be even an issue. Oral sex did not become popular until after the daily bath become the norm in the 1950’s. Far too many Christians are convinced that Christ’s message was “thou shalt not…” when in reality God does not care what you do within your marriage. Far too many Christians get bogged down in silly stuff like this when God does not forbid anything within a marriage. I would advise young people to have this discussion with their future mates before you get married, if your fiancée is uncomfortable with Oral sex then I would encourage you to keep looking. Marrying a “thou shalt not” person is probably not going to work anyway, so save yourself the pain of a future divorce and keep looking. Jesus said “My yoke is easy, and My burden is lite…”, far too many Christians make it their lives work to prove Christ wrong!

  20. The Levitical Laws deal with all manners of sex, yet do not address husband and wife as to what they should or should not do.

  21. God’s Will is so Simple: Romans 12:1-2

    Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

    according to this babe in the Lord, this means that if you keep your mind completely focused on God i.e. on his word, that word will begin to change the way you think about everything, and as your mind is being changed, you will know what is God’s will concerning your life.

  22. Strain and gnats to long and you go blind. Who art though to bring Christ down from above or yet bring Him above. Judgest them that are within or those without; who made thee judge over either, there is one judgest. Should I put a stumbling before or others if I say Nay Nay or Yea Yea on that which I would not,but do or rather do not it is then sin.
    Whom shall deliver us from these bodies of death is the altar sanctified by the gift or the gift by the altar. The body is dead works unto to the Spirit it giveth life and that we might have it more abundantly. Shall we not stand before Christ Jesus and give an account yet though judgest the fruit before it has been yielded. For what purpose are you to be master of over that which anothers body saying drink not, touch not, handle not of ones marriage, if indeed their marriage be of GOD. Why spy out ones liberty to bring into question ones sealing of the Holy Ghost: art thou Holy then be such unto God and thee alone.

    Why boast thyself above thy brother as by works of the flesh thou were sacntified, Nay rather your renptance unto God and your desire unto Christ Jesus the Word of God was thy prayer made by faith and not of flesh. As your faith in Christ hath given you liberty from sin why yet be brought again unto bondage again unto the flesh. For no flesh shall please God they that worship Him must worship Him in Spirit and in Truth. To the defiled all things are defiled unto the pure all things are pure. We are not justified by the works of the flesh rather the work of Christ Jesus that is in us.

    For it seemed good to the Holy Ghost, and to us, to lay upon you no greater burden than these necessary things; That ye abstain from meats offered to idols, and from blood, and from things strangled, and from fornication: from which if ye keep yourselves, ye shall do well. Fare ye well.

    For in being master over many ye shall recieve the greater condemnation. Desire rather the sincere milk of the Word, Lest in your earnest expectations of others you cause some to fall away and stumble. Teach the death the burial and ressurection
    and leave the traditions unto men unto themselves. That which is not of Faith is sin, happy is the man that condems not himself of that which he alloweth. Have Faith have unto God on not unto to men by works of your flesh. Fare ye well; here, there, or up in the air I shall speak with you again. Upon this matter all is been now said. May our Lord give us boldnes and yet greater understanding that souls of sinners may be saved before the harvest be past…. now Iron sharpenth Iron now go harvest some wheat.

    Thy fellow servant and brother Lewis Hickman Jr

  23. Lewis…
    I take it that you approve of the questioned sexual activities after lengthy deliberation, claiming that “As far as what is done with your body in coming together with your spouse. Let every man be persuaded in his own mind. In receiving Christ Jesus you have received liberty…” You also seem to justify those activities saying that other anatomically non-matching parts such as the cheeks and ears can be kissed, so why not genitals?

    Now, you have also said that I am being judgmental and condemning people to hell for being babes in Christ. Well, at the best, I must say that you are only half right. I have not been condemning of those who are babes in Christ but of those who actively defend the questioned sexual activities. Those who started this thread and those who come to seek an answer to this perplexing issue are the ones who are actually being lead by the Holy Spirit into seeking what is the truth. When I state concerning some that God has not saved you, I stated the premise for it as follows, “the spirit does not lie dormant while you engage in years of oral or other forms of deviant ‘sex’.” Here, I am condemning those who engage in such practices for years and not those who come here seeking the truth whom I would attest to as being ‘babes in Christ.’ There are those here who have taken the position that deviant sexual practices are demonic in nature and others who have defended it while claiming to be God’s children. I have only gone a logical and necessary step forward to say that those who defend these acts are then demonic and not born of God. This step is necessary to aid the babes in Christ to identify the wolves in sheep’s clothing. That is my duty.

    I am not sure whether you personally partake in such behavior and are thus defending it or are just defending those who question the behavior. If you are doing the first, then you know where I stand. If you are doing the second, then I have already stated that I am not condemning those who question the behavior but those who defend it.

    The very existence of this thread where concerned Christians question such behavior attest to the immorality of this behavior. And if you think that such a thread shows up once in a blue moon then google this activity and see how many so-called Christian pastors have defended it, revealing how this is not a small gnat. Or better yet, go to yahoo answers and search for Christians questioning this activity. There are thousands who question it, indicating that the spirit of God is leading them to not accept it. At the same time the tens of thousands sanction this activity as their replies there, which to me reveals the end of times approaching, reflected in decaying godliness.

    Finally, concerning the kissing of ears or neck or cheeks or chin or eyes or hand or such body parts and the kissing of genitals: According to you the previous organs are not anatomically made for the mouth to be kissed yet the Spirit does not condemn one then why should one be held in guilt for kissing genitals? Well, your comparison is very faulty. Adam and Eve, after their fall, covered their bodies to hide their shameful nakedness. It became shameful because it was not innocent anymore. All us humans have covered our bodies throughout all history. Even the most tribal people in Africa or Papa New Guinea may not cover their breasts (for women) but are seldom found not covering their genitals. NO matter how much we distant ourselves through time – from the moment of the Fall of our first parents – or distant ourselves from average humanity – through adaptation of animalistic behavior – we still inherit the knowledge of shame attached to our genitals. To equate kissing on the face or other proximal body parts with that of the genitals is then preposterous.

    In the end only the Holy Spirit can lead you to see the truth and no amount of intellectual argument can convince anyone. But to keep in mind it the knowledge that truth is not of every man’s own persuasion. Truth is definite and unyielding.

    “Let every man be persuaded in his own mind.” This says that every man ought to reach to the truth through their own mind and not others. That is the very premise of ‘finding the truth.’ It represents the very idea of not being a mindless law keeper but a mindful one. However, there is only a single unchanging truth. What it does not mean is that the truth is what one is persuaded in his mind to.

    I hope that God leads you to see the truth.

  24. Sam….
    I believe you are in the gall of bitterness and prematurely pass eternal judgment on those who are not informed or that are babes in Christ. To create a fear that Christ’s Blood was not enough to cleanse them from all their sin, even including ignorance of matters of how to carry one’s body: is creation of confusion through piety. Many people looking at this page are seeking answers to know how to walk upright. Sam you pass eternal judgment over physical lust condemning a child of God that they know not God because of physical act. Your straining at a gnat and swallowing camels. Though you may deem many things a great sin, that does not mean Jesus Christ sacrifice is not greater than any one sin. For those who have called upon Christ Jesus to save them from their sin, Peace be unto you, for Christ is overcome sin. But, be not ignorant of Satan’s devices. We are told to fast and pray as couples before coming together that “Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”
    Let every man be persuaded in his own mind. Many choices all narrow decisions down to…. is something right/good or wrong/bad. Surely if the Spirit witness’s to a person something is not good and they allow it; it is sin unto them. Some matters are not issued by commandment but rather by wisdom. Paul says this himself. He said he wished others were as he was. If one can control themselves it is much better to keep ones virginity, but if they cannot contain and burn with desire then they are permitted to marry. Be ye Holy is a strong direction to follow. I admire those who choose their virginity and not how they may please their spouse but may serve God instead. What a great show of control and sacrificed life unto God. But, I do not look down upon those who have chosen to marry. Rather I understand it is better to marry than to burn. As far as what is done with your body in coming together with your spouse. Let every man be persuaded in his own mind. In receiving Christ Jesus you have received liberty, but rather do not use it as a cloke: meaning don’t use your salvation to do things that are displeasing to God and stumbling blocks to others just because you have Christ to make intercession for you (Salvation is not to be treated like get out of hell free card). The body can be aroused by kissing the back of the neck or the lips kissing the ears; but they are not organs that naturally seem to be joined together. God created both man and woman with a nervous system that allows us to feel sensations of warmth and pleasure. Our soul/heart is a type of spiritual equivalent to the nervous system and there are some things that give it sensations that are good and not good: happiness, pride, power, and glory. To what likeness is the coming together of your bodies? Can you give glory in coming together…..yes we call this glory… children. There is also the satisfying of the burning in which one married for in the first place.
    Sodomy begins with selfishness and lust. It desires to have that which is taboo without regard to God or nature itself. Do earlobes belong in the mouth or hair between fingers? Were breast meant to be touched with the tongue of a grown man? These are pleasures that God has enabled us with, the question is: Are you using these to defraud or have the feeling power and only selfishly gratify the nervous system. “Defraud not one another except it be with consent for a time “ 1st Cor 7:5. Check out the next verse v6 “But I speak this by permission and not of commandment.” So there is no commandment to you to fast and pray before coming together. But if you do this simple matter of praying/fasting you probably won’t have check on Blog sites to get advice on these matters. Oh…..and Sam stop being a cloud without rain. Brothers and Sisters in Christ Jesus seek to please God before yourself and remember this verse>>>
    Romans 14:22 Hast thou faith? have it to thyself before God. Happy is he that condemneth not himself in that thing which he alloweth.

    ..and Patricia can you create children by kissing? No you can’t…. then why kiss? Isn’t it just another pleasurable act?

  25. I think that if you a true Holy Ghost Christian then you will know the truth. Some folks just like to justified what they want to do. Can you create a child having oral sex, No!!! So, we know that there is more fake Christians than there are real Christians.

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