Reaching way back into my collection of old questions and answers …
Question – “I and my wife have recently turn our lives over to Christ, she asked me a question that I don’t feel comfortable with asking my pastor (I am praying for more courage), is oral sex permissible in a Christian marriage?”
Reply – Thanks for the question. Oral sex can be an issue like smoking marijuana – it is not explicitly identified in the Bible, so what is the Biblical understanding? Thankfully, it can also be answered the same way – what are the Biblical principles and truths that are directly related? Sex, by its very nature, involves our whole being (physically, mentally, emotionally, etc.) – this is in part why it is reserved for the marriage context. When two people get married, (“become one”) part of the “oneness” is the experience of sex, whether it is oral or not. There does not seem to be anything in the Bible that would indicate that oral sex would be any different than regular (for lack of a better word!) sex. Any area like this should be influenced by the Holy Spirit – if the people who are involved in an activity (in this case, you and your wife alone) sense that the Spirit (often through your conscience) is indicating that the activity is wrong, then you should stop until you sense that he is saying that the activity is okay. If neither of you has the legitimate sense that oral sex in your marriage is somehow inappropriate, then you should be free to enjoy each other’s body – this is one aspect of marriage that makes it so powerful (and so exclusive).
Any thoughts? 🙂
Mark
PRINCIPLES OF SEX
1. Sex is God’s creation
2. Sex is to be expressed only within marriage (I Cor 7:1-9)
3. Sex is meant for procreation (Gen 4:1, Gen 1:28)
4. Sex is for pleasure (Prov 5:15-19)
5. The most important ingredient of Sex as ordained by God is a SELFLESS HEART (I Cor 7:3-4)
[Until you give your heart to your spouse, you will find it difficult giving your body. If a couple are to enjoy
sex as a lifestyle, each party must constantly work at maintaining an offense free heart towards each other)
6. The root cause of adultery is not the non-attractiveness of a spouse but an untamed heart (Prov 5:18)
7. Sex involves the totality of our being
[has a spiritual, mental and physical dimension] (Gen 2:24, Num 25:1-3, 1 Cor 6:15-17)
8. Sex involves other parts of our body not just the genitals (1 Cor 7:3-4, Prov 5:15-19)
9. Even though sex involves other parts of our body, care must be given to respect the different functions/purpose for which
God created our body parts e.g. I dont expect you to use your eye, nose or anus for sex
7. The Human body according to God’s design is such that certain parts responds to sexual stimuli while others serve to stir up this sexual stimuli (fingers and mouth) hence it is the responsibility of married couples to sexually discover themselves in this regard.
“IS ORAL SEX BETWEEN PROPERLY MARRIED COUPLES A SIN?”
1. Oral Sex is simply and clearly “Mouth to genital Sex” i.e Fellatio and Cunnilingus
2. While Oral sex is found by research and experience to be of great pleasure, however controversy exist as to whether Christian
couples should practice it. Also the mere fact that it is pleasurable does not mean we should quickly approve of it
without proper screening in the light of the Word of God and God’s Spirit
3. Scriptures apparently does not plainly condemn Oral sex. However words like “Sodomites”, “Licentious”,
“nor abusers of themselves with mankind” as used in 1 Cor 6:9, 1 Tim 1:10 and Rom 1:26-27 suggest scriptural disapproval for Oral sex.
4. Songs 2:2, Song 4:16, Songs 7:1-2, Songs 7:6-8 have been hastily interpreted by many to mean scriptural approval for
Oral sex.
5. However, a thorough analysis of these Scriptures reveals the following:
Songs 2:2 – While this verse may have a sexual connotation BUT it certainly does not show approval of oral sex
Songs 4:9-16 – Comparing these verses with Prov 5:19, it is safe to agree that the verses have a sexual connotation BUT it certainly does not approve of Oral Sex or say anything about it.
Songs 7:1-2 – Verses 1 and 2 certainly elicit thoughts of sexuality and interpreting it in the light of sexuality is appropriate BUT please note that it says nothing to approve of Oral sex
Songs 7:6-8 – These verses certainly describes sex and if placed side by side Prov 5:19 clearly talks of a man (MUST BE MARRIED) deriving sexual pleasure from the wife’s breast. Scripture clearly supports this BUT then it still does not say anything or approve of Oral sex (Fellatio and Cunnilingus)
FINAL SUMMARY AND LIFE APPLICATION
1. If scriptures are to be interpreted plainly without human reasoning, addition and rationalization to support a preconceived opinion, we must stop using Songs of Solomon as approval for Oral sex.
2. God has given us a hand, fingers, mouth and lips to sexually stimulate a LEGALLY MARRIED partner to sexual fulfillment BUT scriptures does not in anyway allude to humans (even married ones) using their MOUTHS DIRECTLY ON THE GENITALS OF ANOTHER (even if it is your spouse).
3. The mention of the word “sodomite” in I Cor 6:9 (NKJV) combined with the fact the root word sodomy translates into (anal or oral copulation with a member of the same or opposite sex; also : copulation with an animal >> http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sodomy?show=0&t=1286024330) calls for careful thinking by any serious Christian who
desires to make heaven
4. It would be not be wise to start arguing over the accuracy of the NKJV translation. It would not be wise to start another
argument on the correctness of the Merriam-Webster dictionary)
5. Wisdom according to scriptures (1 Thess 5:22) demands that as sincere Christians we keep away from Oral Sex >> Fellatio >> Cunnilingus >> Sodomy
>> I Thess 5:22 – “Flee every appearance (form, fashion, shape, sight) of evil” The Devil hardly shows up as black. He prefers coming as grey: something that looks close to white
6. You may be reading this comment and you sincerely want to satisfy your spouse’s sexual needs. I believe you still have a hand and fingers, WHY MUST YOU USE YOUR MOUTH?
7. If we really love God and seek to please him, we would pause and have a rethink. Wisdom demands you exempt your self from arguments and make a choice that will not endanger your salvation. Keep away from Oral Sex. What will that cost you compared to be at a risk of living in sin?
FINALLY: I am open to inputs and comments. BUT PLS THINK FIRST, BE SINCERE AND RELY ON SCRIPTURES AS THE MAIN BASIS OF YOUR REASONING as you make your comments
GOD’S LOVE AND TRUTH TO YOU ALL!
forgot to mintion that we are orthodox!!
Thanks to everyone who posted here their opinion. I have a question myself regarding that
I have days that I want to make love wih my husband every time of the day and love to have oral love too
and there are days that I hate for the time that he mintion that he wants it, but those days are more than the other:(
unfortionatly this upsets him and disappoint him
what should I do??
please advise
thanks
It is absolutely true that oral sex is an abominable sin in the sight of God, whether you are married or not. I have started to feel more approving of homosexuals than these so-called Christians. The modern Christians gather up with their pitch-forks condemning homosexuals for what? For loving someone who is of the same gender? God in His wisdom has materialized the depraved state of homosexual minds where their union with one another can only occur through what is now known as oral and anal sex. Their deviance is sealed in these abominable acts. Yet to the modern fithy Christian, God is just againt two people of same gender getting together. To the modern Christian, sodomite is another word for a homosexual, as if sodom was full of homosexuals alone. If that was the case then Lot’s daughters would not have been engaged to men who were destroyed as well because despite being ‘straight’, they were still sodomites.
Most Christians nowadays love to believe and practice according to the motto that the marriage bed is undefiled in a heterosexual marriage. They validate the entire realm of pornography save for two matters. One, the obscene acts must only occur between one man and one woman and no other combinations of men and/or women. Second, it cannot be broadcast because God would not want others to see it and be sexually aroused by the actors. So now to these Christians, if these two issues were not present, then pornography is yet another gift from God. How shameful it has become to call myself a Christian in these days.
Let me be a bit graphic here. According to all those who sanction anything but procreative love, everything is allowed as long as the two parties consent. For those who walk in purity and holiness, know these, that the fellow Christian next to you in Sunday worship or your pastor and his wife for that matter, are very likely to have had a night that you would see as being disturbing in the very least. May be the man loves to ejaculate in various locations on his wife – probably her chest or her feet or her face. And she loves to take it in her fingers and then swallow it down her throat. Or better yet, she feeds it to her husband who gets even more aroused at those prospects. Then there is a whole realm of slave & master depravity where given their mutual consent, anything goes once again. I don’t even want to elaborate what goes on there. I am sorry if I was offensive to true Christians in any way. I could never bring myself to write the things that I did, leave alone depicting it. But we need to thoroughly understand what goes on and you should see that this matter does not even need a discussion. All these acts are perfectly condemned by God. And for those who think that they are Christians because after all the Bible does not pornographically condemn these acts as I had to do unfortunately, there is something I would love to share with you. The truth is you never knew God and God never knew you. The Bible is not a book articulating what is right and what is wrong. If this Bible had somehow failed to call orgies wrong then today I may had to hear that you all have nice Christian gatherings on wednesday and friday followed by a round of orgy. You who search for morality in the Bible are no different from the pharisees who searched for eternal life in the laws of Moses while condemning Christ, the source of all true life. The Bible is a collection of histories of those who walked with God and it only applies to those who are truly walking with Him. The Holy Spirit leads all the true God’s children in to all manners of truth as Jesus Himself said while the disciples were questioning Him about profound matters right before His crucifixion.
Any one who is born of God has the Spirit of God. And the spirit does not lie dormant while you engage in years of oral or other forms of deviant ‘sex’, waiting for someone like me to tell you the truth. God has never saved you. You are not of one mind with our God, but you are of the mind of your father the devil. What was perceivable as being wrong to the most non-Christians of minds just 50 years ago as they criminalized just vile behavior, in now sanctioned in what ought to be the Holy Temple of God. Truly, your bodies are not the Temple of God. But meanwhile you surely have the God-given right to assume that your fraudulent repentance has led to your redemption. Sadly, you are the most unfortunate of all people. But then again, you do get to enjoy your vile pleasures in the very name of God in this life while I am bound to find more heathens who proudly call themselves heathens since they refuse to part with these vile acts. Even they distantly perceive that no true God would have a microsecond of fellowship with someone who is even distantly involved in such behavior.
so called christian who say that oral sex or any sex is ok in christian marriage is wrong. where is the holiness and purity in oral sex.godless people do that christian should have better morality than heathens.sex for procreation is love. sex for pleasure is lust and no sex in marriage is true christian love.without holiness no one will see good.so christian live pure love in holiness and you will see god, only pure in heart will see jesus. richard
@Gyan: HPV is also linked to cervical, vulvar, vaginal, and penile cancers. By that logic, you should not have normal intercourse either. The real issue is that HPV and HIV/AIDS are spread by sexually promiscuous people. Should 2 people who have never had any extramarital sexual contact have any fear of HPV? Nope, except that a mother can infect a child during delivery IF she has it.
You also speak of germs and (possibly) bodily fluids as if they make you unclean. Certainly germs can cause disease, but that hardly makes them sinful, as Christians are no longer under the law regarding clean and unclean things. Of course, sticking someone with a HIV-dirty needle would be sin, but for other reasons than just “spreading germs” in general.
I would be very careful in espousing what God’s mind, will, or action is on a matter unless you have certain, clear proof in scripture. His ways are higher than our ways. Being “empowered by the Spirit” sounds a lot like interpreting your own emotions as God’s will. I would rather trust what He revealed in the Bible than what you say He revealed in secret to you. That is, of course, unless you have tongues of fire above your head and are speaking in *recognisable* languages which you never learned.
I agree Joseph… We should feel sorry for those who lead people astray with by twisting or wresting scripture. It’s amazing that man exercise the practices of animals and yet animals don’t exercise the practices of humans. God made man higher than the animal, but yet you don’t see one animal doing something “out of the ordinary” regarding that. Principle is what we should seek after. The Bible teaches how we should live by giving us principles. Just ask yourself if Oral sex is holy. Not sin, but Holy. Besides, my flesh or carnal desires would want oral sex… you quote “I pray that God opens your hearts to not twist scripture to what you think in your flesh or carnal desires.” The carnal mind is enmity against God. Do you believe that Oral Sex is carnal/fleshly or Spirit? My carnal desire is to do just that… have Oral Sex. Rom. 8:8. When my goal as a Christian is to be Holy and in the Spirit… How do we justify carnal/fleshly desires. Does oral sex edify flesh or “The Spirit”?
I feel sorry for everyone who is leading people astray with telling them that Oral Sex within Marriage is a sin. I truly do. God bless you and love you. I pray that God opens your hearts to not twist scripture to what you think in your flesh or carnal desires. For all of you who are debating on the side of unbridled passion between a married man and wife, keep up the good work. Love you all.
@ Jeff… Well said. It is the Spirit of a thing that we fight against, not flesh and blood. Heaven help us if we are still fighting in spiritual warfare with carnal weapons. “I don’t see anything wrong with it…” is as much a carnal weapon, as trying to eat soup with knife. It’s of no efficient effect. Unfortunately, some will say, I can do that.. which proves our point. If as Christians, that’s our best weapon.. “I don’t see anything wrong with it…” Well, we just pray for understanding
@Jeff: Jeff, as a student of the Word of God, it is important to know what God says as to what He is not saying. Unfortunately, grey area Christians are looking for definites, like all little children; that’s how you start them off: Do’s and don’t. If the word of God was written in just DO’s and Don’ts our relationship with God, would be just that (robotic). A new born can’t eat solid foods at 6 mos. old. (you get the idea), so you graduate them to solid foods. But as the child gets older, parents “can give them solid foods” and teaches them, not in do’s and don’ts, but now in principles. As you outlined, beautiful, through the Holy Spirit, the principles of holiness, the principles of daily living, many Christians, are still looking for Do’s and Don’ts and trying to figure out which list their lustfull passions fall under. Well it’s not on the Don’ts list, so becuase it’s not on the Don’ts list, I don’t have to look at the Do’s list; that shows our age in the scriptures. So we go that road, because I don’t feel like looking…or it’s inconvenient for me to look on the Do’s list. Like smoking… Does the Word of God say, “Thou shalt not smoke”.. NO.. but it says “Thou shalt not smoke” another way. The other way is the path that our lusts and passions do not care to travel down, so… 1 Cor. 2:10-14 explains our condition. If God was to tell many, to this day, whether some practice of theirs is right or wrong, like the rich young ruler, they would turn away sorrowful, and He, BECAUSE HE IS GOD, tries to reach or show them by the Spirit of a thing, rather than everything being in just DO’s and Don’ts. Unfortunately, we don’t have time to, like the bible says, search out the spiritually meaning of what holiness means.. so we default to “I don’t see anything wrong with it.” Which is a true statement…. “YOU DON’T SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT, BECAUSE IT IS SPIRITUALLY DISCERNED”. As Christians, anything that seems or appears impure, should in no-wise be amongst our practices, why.. not because God didn’t spell that practice out and put it on the Don’t list: but because of what we are desiring to become. I am training for a triathalon, but I am eating daily junk food, fatening food, sodas, candy bars, etc…. is there anything wrong with eating junk food… absolutely.. because it will hinder the purpose or goal that I am after: being wholly fit for the race. Every Christian is an a race, a war, a battle, etc… therefore, every practice must be beneficial to our race, war or battle rather than detrimental. If you don’t understand your goal, ie, the race, you won’t see anything wrong with your detrimental practices. The goal is Holiness, and the bible says that be ye Holy. As sinful creatures.. that is a Goliath in and of itself. Therefore, I must gather spiritual understanding regarding this battle against self on this road, path or way to being Holy. As it was beautifully said above.. Satan doesn’t mind you being on this journey, as long as he has “ACCESS” through the bedroom door.. as long as he has “ACCESS” to your prayer closet… he doesn’t care.. and if we are to lazy to look at what the bible is saying, and focus only on the Don’ts list, we are like the disciples in the Garden: fast asleep.
I don’t mean to be lengthy, but the spirit of Oral Sex is what we must look it… on the way to being Holy. The spirit of the things we do. Just like you many, who say that the bible does not say that Oral Sex is acceptable, they will never find that the bible says that it is. Just like smoking.. no you won’t find that it’s bad, you’ll never find it saying that it is good either. So what do we do: we apply principles that will speak for or speak against. Principles, not interpretations.
@Jeff: Thank you so much for your post here; you have patiently and insightfully explained everything I needed explained about not only oral sex within a marriage but also any other type of sexual activity. Truthfully, God wants us to avoid sexual deviation and immorality. Obviously, the writers of the bible could not be explicit in their descriptions of what sexual immorality was, because then their writings would not be taken seriously as divine revelations, but rather as pornographic materials. Also, I have never experienced a straying of my thoughts to matters of oral sex etc when empowered by the Spirit so I can’t imagine Paul doing so either. It seems to me that God provides us with rules in broad definitions; but it’s the devil who makes us concentrate on the details.
Finally, I once got into an argument with some married Christians about the topic of oral sex. They used the standard arguments: references to the Song of Songs, talking about it being their own business, that they weren’t hurting anyone, that it wasn’t explicitly stated in the bible not to perform oral sex etc. I stuck to my argument anyway. And today I was interested to read in the newspaper that medical scientists have discovered a definite link between oral sex and throat cancer (caused by human papiloma virus, or HPV, a bug which usually resides around the genital area and is transferred to the mouth via oral sex).
Remembering those people I argued with now, I recall some of them asking me to provide hard evidence that oral sex is bad (rather like Darwinians are always asking for evidence of God). Well, it seems to me they finally have it. When God disapproves of a sexual act, the first sign is disease. Homosexuality reaped His wrath in the AIDS virus. Adultery and fornication brought STDs. And now, oral sex has resulted in HPVs and throat cancers in our youngest and most vulnerable members of society.
If you truly want to do God’s will, you must first seek out His Spirit. The mark of a person who has God’s Spirit is patience. Yet what I have seen in Christians arguing for oral sex is impatience with all who don’t share their opinion. I would encourage all of you to keep in mind that some of these people who are condemning such sexual acts are quite old in the Lord, full of His Spirit and sometimes church elders; they have seen a thing or two in their lifetimes.
It’s not enough for a couple to do what pleases themselves within their marriage. Everything we do in our private lives influences everybody we come into contact with. For example, as someone posting here said, the genital organs are placed where they are for a reason. They contain microbial life that does not occur in the same way on any other part of the body and therefore, could potentially cause disease to other parts of the body. By polluting a part of your body that comes into contact with other people’s bodies (e.g. lip to cheek contact on kissing), you are polluting other people with the germs from your partner’s genitals. The same holds true of other immoral sexual acts like “hand jobs”. What if a woman, after engaging in oral sex with her husband, finds herself suddenly in a situation where, before she has had a chance to wash, her children come to her asking for hugs and kisses? (Something which happens in many households). Nobody wants to turn away their children and most people don’t. But to grant their request would be to pollute their bodies as well. It is as if your child has just performed oral sex him/herself. And to anyone who thinks I am being crass, try to think of it in the point of view of your children, and what THEY would prefer for their own purity.
I am writing this here because it occurs to me that it is far easier for people to be led astray by the devil and the world and try to use Scripture to justify their desires, than that those who are against sexual immorality have got it wrong and simply misread Scripture. The former seems much more likely because the nature of man is corrupted and our enemy never lets up but constantly prowls about like a lion looking to devour our souls. And on this note, let me beg whoever reads this to read the WHOLE bible, as a whole, and allow the totality of the words to sink into your soul. Only in this way will you get a full, clear picture of what God expects of you. Where specific rules are absent, always revert back to the nature of God, that is completely holy, and of which we should strive to be a reflection.
Peace.
im a medical doctor, a born-again christian, happily married for 25 yearsand greatly desiring to be a pastor. i am little off balanced by your one sided discussion about oral sex on men. why has anyone not discussed oral sex on women we called “cunnilingus”. John 10:10- we have to enjoy and have life to the fullest. In sex, which I believe is a God given gift for pleasure, it is called orgasm. I do not want to be lenghty, but as long as its comnsented and no coercion nor any demeaning factor on both couples, our mouth (both sexes) if it can stimulate,reach, and afford orgasm to the other spouse would surely seal the love and passion to married couples. Clitoral stimulation by any existing survey or double blind study has been found to be the primary way how women can reach orgasm. Since women have the capacity of multiple orgasms, then oral sex can aptly be followed by an intercourse, if the issue of reproduction will be the concern. I have lectured to many couples who have sexual problems such as the so called penile unrealibilty especially the more than 50s and oral sex has been a good tool than the prescription pills. Unorthodox it might sound, I even asked couples to pray before sex as you pray for thanksgiving before you partake a meal. God bless you all.
In my experience with men and oral sex, I have found that once they get it, that’s the main thing they desire. It seems to ruin them for sex the regular way. I wonder why men who seek out prostitutes usually want a “blow job”? I also felt degraded when I did it. It’s genital worship in my opinion and a Bible study of the Asherah Poles in the OT is the current day pole dancing that happens in strip clubs. God detested the heathen goddess Asherah and the practices that the Israelites brought adopted from their pagan neighbors. Not to be crude, but in thinking about oral sex, I believe there is a reason that God put the genitals near the organs of excretion. There is no doubt that it feels great, for both men and women, but is that the only reason to do something, if it feels good? If I ever have another husband, I will never go into oral sex with him. Sharing your body with someone you love is awesome, but something changes when in the emotional exchange and the thoughts that follow oral sex, and it becomes tainted and different. I’ve seen 2 men that I loved get so hungry for a blow job that they will do almost anything to get it. I have never talked to one single female friend who actually feels good about doing that, and yet will do it for the man she loves. To quote a movie line I saw once, “why do you think it’s called a “job”?
In response to John (January 1, 2010) I read what you shared after submitted my point of view. When I saw that you quoted the same words from HEBREW 13:4 It lets me know that there are those like us who are open to the Spirit beyond traditions and empty practices and to whom the Holy Spirit will reveal God’s truths. Be blessed . . .
Christian spouses, enjoy, enjoy, enjoy each other wholly in spirit, mind, and body! The first part of Hebrew 13:4 reads, “Marriage is honourable in ALL, and the bed undefiled…” This is not an issue of sexual immorality more than it’s a topic of “worship immorality”. God created all things for HIS pleasure. Whatever pleases God is worship to him. This includes sex between spouses. Anything that a husband and wife does for each other, to each other, with each other within the boundary of consent pleases God. Sexual intercourse, oral sex, role play,etc. (as long as it does not break the basic 10 commandments) whether it’s passionately soft and tender or wild and hard between spouses worships God because “marriage IS honourable in ALL . . .
I love your reply. I’ve been shocked at all of the comments above yours. I couldn’t agree with you more. Good god ? You other people need to lighten up, maybe get a couple more hobbies. With the massive chaos in the world, coronavirus, race relations, economic crisis, people becoming homeless, out of work, escalating domestic violence issues- you think oral sex is an issue?? Give me a fat break
In reply to Jeff…thank you so much for what you said here…you have truly blessed me and have given me and my husband the answer we have been looking for, wanting god’s will in our lives together…you have truly opened my eyes …. I was meant to come on here today to read what god has told you to tell all his children ….the truth..
All of the above consternation.
Do not make this issue more complex than it needs to be, or you will be dragged down by that which you struggle with : the lies of Satan. God made marriage for the exclusive release of many kinds of worldly tensions, sexual included. He made us helpers for one another. If we were all islands and rocks,we would not need marriage but for the mechanics of reproduction and child rearing, both of which would be rote. God truly loves you.
You all need to get this one. My above comment sums up the marriage bed by St. Paul. 99% of Christians would agree that Paul was a mighty warrior and expert on Christ and Christian faith. The other 1% WILL agree once they read the bible.
The over-analization of these issues leads to sin. What does Paul mean when he says:”It is better to marry than to burn?”
So..why exactly would certain acts be prohibited in marriage so as to keep the marriage partners unsatisfied? No. Marriage is sanctified and is holy. It is biblically defined as a holy union between a man and a woman excluding all others. It IS the context within which exclusive and SAFE acts are to be expressly permitted. The very practice of all sex acts (desired by both partners) in marriage provides a marked and definite safety AGAINST infidelity..a concrete and unambiguous not “implied” sin. Get it?
Paul says : “THe marriage bed is holy in all. It is undefiled”.
What exactly is unclear about that?
Question – “I and my wife have recently turn our lives over to Christ, she asked me a question that I don’t feel comfortable with asking my pastor (I am praying for more courage), is oral sex permissible in a Christian marriage?”
If you are praying and let the Holy Spirit lead your thinking to what he says in your heart, I would go with that. If you go against your conviction you will have sinned. This goe’s for anything that is NOT written about in the bible. That’s the Holy Spirits job to counsel you. Lean not on your own understanding.
Many people have written about this subject and I only found a few that say to rely on the holy Spirit, most give THEIR interpertation which is why you see two sides of this issue.
If it would have been a sin, it would have been mentioned at least once if not more. The Holy Spirit convicts our hearts when we have done something wrong. Listen! Wait! Be patient.
Your body is your wifes and her body is yours. It never said,”BUT DONT DO…..”. It did say don’t hold yourself from eachother for too long so you are not tempted.
What the Bible clearly states is sin you can’t make exceptions to it. Sodomy is sin in or out of marriage. If any thing you do with your wife becomes a obsession even sex which is good you hold it at the highest focus in your life and that is sin.
If you do have oral sex never let it completly replace normal sex or it is sinful. I refer it as oral sex but sex is intercourse so you should really call it oral stimulation.
May GOD lead you without sinning.
Oral Sex and The
Christian Marriage
by Dr. Trudy Veerman
View Source – achristiancounselor.com
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There may not be a specific passage in the Bible on the subject of oral sex, but for sure scriptures leading to NOT to practice this. There are neither specific scriptures on drinking too much coffee, watching too much or wrong TV programs, nor on smoking or doing drugs for that matter. Although these things are NOT good for you. It is also a matter of walking pure and in holiness unto the Lord.
1 Peter 1:15-16…but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in ALL your conduct, because it is written, “Be holy, for I am holy.”
Do not use an excuse for unholy living.
If you are born-again and filled with the Holy Spirit, He will guide you into ALL truth. He will reveal what you should throw out of the house, or what to burn, what to do and not to do. Walk in the Spirit, not as they that are of this world, and you will not lust after the flesh.
1 Thessalonians 5:22, 23… Abstain from all appearance of evil. And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. (KJV)
If we start judging after our own understanding, saying this is alright and that isn’t, we most likely are deceiving ourselves. Judge according to God’s word, pay attention to His voice and the prompting of the Holy Spirit.
Let us just reason; our body parts have each a specific purpose; you’re not walking on your hands; you’re not sticking your food in your nose, but lower; you’re using your nails to scratch, not your tongue; your anus is to defecate, not for what homosexuals do; your mouth is to eat with and is part of your digestive system. It is not for oral sex. The Creator has designed our body parts for specific functions.
To OK oral sexual activity on the scriptures in The Song of Solomon is absurd. If you interpret oral sex here it is because you “want” to read it. The Song of Solomon is a colorful poetic writing, which expresses the love for the spouse by elaborating on nature. Do you really think that this inspired Book of Songs, which also refers to Christ’s Love for His Bride, or God’s Love for Israel, should be interpreted on a carnal level? Or contains lustful passions? The Lord is a Holy God, let these thoughts be far from us. Be not deceived for God is not mocked.
Solomon 2 verse 7…(last part) Do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases…(repeated in 3:5 and 8:4) The significance of this refrain seems to be that love must be allowed to grow naturally, in its own time. It is not to be forced or given an artificial stimulus.
Christian couples have to practice holiness, self-control, self-discipline in any facet of their marriage, even in their sexual relationship. Because you are married, does not mean you are free to do whatever you like with your spouse. You still have to walk in holiness, you still have to exercise self discipline. Sexual enjoyment is given to lawful partners but should not escalate to lustful desires, which will bring one to sin. The bed should be kept honorable. In ALL we do, we should give praises unto the Lord, even in our sexual relationship with our spouse. Spouses should stimulate each other to please the Lord in this and to shun fleshly lusts.
Titus 2: 11, 12… For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men. Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world. (KJV)
1 John 2:16, 17… For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but who does the will of God abides forever.
James 1: 14, 15… But every man is tempted, when he is drawn of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust has conceived, it brings forth sin: and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.
Romans 13:14… But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill the lusts thereof.
2 Peter 1: 4… Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these you might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.
Romans 6: 12… Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in the lusts thereof.
1 Peter 2: 11… Dearly beloved, I beg you as sojourners and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which wars against the soul.
What does the Word say about sodomites?
1 Cor. 6:9… Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites,
1 Tim 1:10… for fornicators, for sodomites, for kidnappers, for liars, for perjurers, and if there is any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine.
What is the definition of sodomy?
Sodomy \sa-de-me\ n 1 : sexual intercourse with a member of the same sex or with an animal 2 : noncoital and esp. anal or oral sexual intercourse with a member of the opposite sex. sodomize \sa-de-mz\ vb (C) 1995 Zane Publishing, Inc. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary (C) 1994 by Merriam-Webster, Incorporated.
Sodomy = unnatural carnal intercourse between man and woman (New Lexicon Webster’s Encyclopeic Dictionary, and Dictionary of English Synonyms, Checkerbooks)
Sodomy..1: anal copulation of one male with another. 2: anal or oral copulation with a member of the opposite sex. 3: Copulation with an animal. Reader’s Digest Illustrated Encyclopedic Dictionary.
Sodomy is sodomy! Just because a male and female are married, does not mean that they can practice sodomy! What else does the Word say regarding sex and marriage? I believe that the Word says exactly what is means in the Scripture below, marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled, (I interpret this to mean having clean, enjoyable sex with your mate, but not by committing sodomy!).
Is God a respecter of persons? Does He condemn the sodomites who are unsaved, and allow the married Christian couple to commit sodomy and not sin? Never!
Paul says : Rom 6:1… What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound?
Heb 13:4… Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
The definition of undefiled is: 283 amiantos (am-ee’-an-tos); from 1 (as a negative particle) and a derivative of 3392; unsoiled, i.e. (figuratively) pure: KJV– undefiled.
283 amiantos= not defiled, unsoiled: free from that by which the nature of a thing is deformed and debased, or its force and vigor impaired.
Self-Control
Proverbs 25:28… Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.
1 Corinthians 7: 5… so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control..
1 Corinthians 7: 9… but if they cannot exercise self-control, ……
Galatians 6:8… Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
Romans 8 :13-14… For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.
For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are the sons of God.
Allow the Holy Spirit to do the work in your life, at any cost.
Romans 8:18… For I consider that the sufferings of the present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed to us.
Phil. 1:27… Only let your conduct be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of your affairs, that you stand fast in the spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel.
1 Timothy 6:11b-12… and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, gentleness.
Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, to which you were also called and have confessed the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.
There is a fine line between godly sexual relationship (between spouses) and perverted sexual activity. The first one is out of love, the last one is out of lust.
Love is of God, lust is of the carnal mind and of Satan.
God is the one who made sex and designed it to be enjoyed in the manner it was intended. Any different way is sexual perversion. Like anything whose proper function is abused will cause problems. Oral sex is not sexual intercourse in the sense of the word, but a sexual act, and it would fall under the Bible’s prohibition of “porneia” ; sexual impurity. If oral sex is replacing genital sex it will be even more of an abomination unto the Lord. God has clearly designed male and female bodies for genital sexual relations with each other, not for oral and anal sex. Married couples should beware of substituting something else for that which God had designed at Creation.
We must consider God’s creativity as our guide and principle that the male genital is designed for the female genital, just as food is for the stomach (1 Cor. 6:13). In this light the practice of oral and anal sex cannot be said to conform with God’s design and should be regarded as deviations from His plan, which are sinful.
Oral sex is unholy and sin of lust, and Satan will be right there to reinforce this sinful behavior. Therefore practicing oral sex may eventually lead to further exploring of sexual release through other ways of perverted sex, i.e. sex toys, vibrators, internet sex, fantasy, sex videos, masturbation, pornography etc. This in turn will bring the person into sexual bondage through which sex becomes an addictive drive, and may reach compulsive behavioral levels. The craving for perverted sex will never be satisfied. Once arrived at the point for the need to satisfy the lust of their sexual drive one is trapped and will experience a vicious circle of an unsatisfied sexual relationship with their spouse; mutual love is gone and fleshly sex has taken over.
2 Corinthians 6:17 AV… Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean [thing]; and I will receive you.
Leviticus 10:10 AV… And that ye may put difference between holy and unholy, and between unclean and clean;
Agreement between spouses to participate in oral sex does not make it right. It only shows that both do agree to give in to the lust of the flesh and to unclean sexual activity. There are unclean spirits associated with this act. Some of you may rather call this frigidity, but let me tell you friend, learn first what holiness is, then we’ll talk further.
If Satan cannot destroy Christian marriages through divorce or adultery, he’ll try to get through the backdoor of the Christian marriage, which is through the bedroom door.
Satan’s intent is to destroy which is not so visible for the eye, but which is spiritual and involves man’s soul. He comes with a host of unclean spirits and tries to attack in the core.
Many Christian couples do not or will not recognize this, or they will not depart from their fleshly lusts. As you can see, one has to make a choice whom to serve.
Satan says: “Now, don’t you talk about your sex life to anybody, it’s none of their business.”
Why do you think he is saying this?…so he will not be revealed… so he can stay and keep his domain. That is why oral sex is hushed in the Christian community. Satan does not want to leave his territory. When oral sex in a Christian marriage is condoned the door is left wide open for other bizarre and unclean sexual activity, such as anal sex etc.
Ephesians 5:3-6… But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.
There is also another issue: Although God meant for people to enjoy the sexual act, He also had the purpose of “being fruitful and multiplying” in mind. Oral sex does not meet this criteria.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18… Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
You should be able to praise God in all situations and circumstances and I am convinced that this is impossible while practicing oral sex. This should tell us enough.
The Lord says: Be Holy for I am Holy.
Galatians 5:24… And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
Strive to please the Lord, even in your sexual relationship with your spouse.
Sacrifice your old self and its lusts.
JESUS CHRIST SACRIFICED HIS ALL, WHICH
WAS PURE AND HOLY.
1 Thessalonians 4:1-8 KJV
Furthermore then we beseech you, brethren, and exhort you by the Lord Jesus, that as ye have received of us how ye ought to walk and to please God, so ye would abound more and more. For ye know what commandments we gave you by the Lord Jesus.
For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God:
That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified.
For God hath not called us unto uncleanness, but unto holiness.
He therefore that despiseth , despiseth not man, but God, who hath also given unto us His Holy Spirit.
Ephesians 4:17-24 KJV
This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that ye henceforth walk not as other Gentiles walk , in the vanity of their mind, Having the understanding darkened , being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart: Who being past feeling have given themselves over unto lasciviousness, to work all uncleanness with greediness.
But ye have not so learned Christ; If so be that ye have heard Him, and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus: That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.
As we dedicate our lives more and more to the Lord and sell out to Jesus Christ, it certainly will reflect on our relationship with others. If spouses share their intimacy with God in their marriage, it will soon effect their love toward each other, which includes also their sexual relationship. The Fruits of The Holy Spirit will become apparent in their marriage.
The closer we live to God the more beautiful and holy the relationship becomes between spouses. It becomes a foretaste of the heavenly joy, happiness and fulfillment, which is awaiting us in eternity with our Lord.
Psalm 19:14… Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in Thy sight, O LORD, my Strength, and my Redeemer.
Quotation below is taken from a pamphlet by Rev. Robert J. Buschmiller
First, oral sex is not natural. It is contrary to natural law. If oral sex is OK, then are anal sex or nasal sex also OK? There must be some natural parameters to sexual expression. Otherwise, we have little reason not to permit homosexual activity or even sex between humans and animals. Something must be natural, and therefore other things unnatural.
Second, I have been asked to counsel over a hundred married couples about oral sex as foreplay. After some time of discernment, not one has maintained that oral sex was a true expression of love. The motivation behind oral sex is often lust. The spouse is not the focus of the sexual foreplay; rather, sexual stimulation is the focus. It could almost be said that one spouse is having sex with sex rather than with the other spouse. This focus on sex rather than on the spouse is a poison to love and marriage.
Pray about this: “A man will reap only what he sows. If he sows in the field of the flesh, he will reap a harvest of corruption; but if his seed-ground is the Spirit, he will reap everlasting life” (Gal 6:7-8).
May you be found worthy of His calling
To Matias and I. Edwards, It is saddening that you are, in your lack of understanding, seeking to deprive unsure christians of pleasures that God intended to be receiced with thanksgiving. Struggles in these matters can be very oppressive and hindering when one is unsure of these things which he/she so naturally desires in his/her marriage. 1 Timothy 4:1-3 says, “Now the Spirit expressly says that in latter times some will depart from the faith, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons, speaking lies in hypocrisy… forbidding people to marry, and commanding them to abstain from foods which God created to b received with thanksgiving by those who believe and know the truth.” Now if you research the Bible you will see that the word “food” does not necessarily refer only to edible substance, but to all manner of things to be received. To anyone who has a struggle with this, I encourag to first go to the Father and ask Him to reveal His truth to you through the Holy Spirit, and then consider this verse in the Song of Solomon: 7:13 “The mandrakes give off a fragrance, And at our gates are pleasant fruits, All manner, new and old, Which I have laid up for you, my beloved.” It expressly says “all manner, new and old.” Christians, do not let yourselves be condemned nor restricted by the weakness of others’ faith. You are free. People of weak faith and distorted doctrines have continually, since biblical times, sought to lay their burdens of heavy, unnatural yokes on innocent, diligently seeking believers. Again Paul says in Colosians 2:20-23 “Therefore, if you died with Christ to the basic principals of the world, why, as though living in the world, do you subject yourselves to regulations – ‘Do not touch, do not taste, do not handle,’ whcih all concern things which perish with the using – according to the commandments and docrines of men? These things indeed have an appearance of wisdom in self-imposed religion, false humility, and neglect of the body, but are of no value against the idulgence of the flesh.” Read it again! This is what the Word of God says. Enjoy what God has given you and let no one deprive you. The Holy Spirit will make clear to you the way. God’s gift in Christ is freedom and love. Marriage is sacred and blessed and ordained by God. In all of His commandments specifically pertaining to sexual relations He has never commanded that oral sex ought not to be done. The teaching that it is sinful is wholly unbiblical. The people who use Scripture to support the teaching that it is sinful do so by referring to vague passages and twisting them to comply with their view. J, who responded above, said it very well when he said, “Enjoy and love your spouse!” Amen!
I just wanted to sanction what I. Edwards said he is spot on. Did any of you know that in the United State of America sodomy – anal and oral sex was initially illegal and still is in most states with very few exceptions even between married couples. Brother it was so refreshing to see you expound with accuracy upon the biblical truths dealing with this aspect of human deviant sexual tendencies, it was beautifully put. As christians we must remember also that the bible calls for us to be not of the world, to deny worldly lust and to be holy as our Maker is holy. In this Laodicean age we must be careful that our adversary the devil does not deceive us for the bible says may shall be deceived in that day. We are living in a deceptive age an age of lukewarmness, we must be careful that the traditions of men do not lead away from Christ!
I have a question on the subject of oral sex. My daughter has been married for 12 yrs. She and her husband are both Christians, he wants to have oral sex, she can’t stand it. What advise can I give her?
I am married and I have never had any wrong feelings about oral sex. I also waited for everything until I was married. Its pretty clear in song of solomon that when she says he is sweet to my taste and etc that they are referring to oral. Within marriage there should be nothing wrong with enjoying eachother;s bodies as long as the other doesn’t feel dimeaned. That is why you need to discuss it with your spouse. ALot of times the world corrupts what is supposed to be good i.e marriage is supposed to be between a husband and wife. and the world goes and corrupts that and now there are homosexual marriages. Just because the world makes oral sex seem bad it doesn;t make that so as long as it is within marriage! Just thought I would share my thoughts. 🙂 Edwards I think youhave a wrong view. Sex in marriage is a great and wonderful thing. God gave us and your spouse is excluslively yours. Enjoy and love your spouse!
Although the Bible doesn’t directly mention oral sex, it does address intimacy through a host of examples particularly in Song of Solomon. Throughout the Bible God also likens our relationship to Him to marriage. He wants us to commune with Him face-to-face. All of our relationships esp. marriage should mirror our relationship with God.
If you have to ask if you should perform a particular act, it’s a clear sign that you shouldn’t. Oral sex is likened to anal sex in that it is not a normal or natural way to reproduce or have communion. In fact, the 100 plus acrobatic ways the world defines intimacy be it 69 or some other position is a clear sign that oral sex is NOT the will of God even for married couples. In addition to it not being healthy, participating in elicit sexual activities does nothing more than open the mind’s eye to lascivious and lust. Lust and lasciviousness do not reflect the character of God.
In a survey of Christian singles and married couples, single Christians who had never had sex “couldn’t imagine” having oral sex when they marry. Those who were fine with the idea experienced oral sex prior to becoming a Christian. Those who never participated in oral sex were uncomfortable with the idea for their own relationship, however, was unwilling to call it wrong for married couples citing that the marriage bed is undefiled.
Consider Hebrews 13:4: Let marriage be held in honor (esteemed worthy, precious, of great price, and especially dear) in all things. And thus (or, that being the case) let the marriage bed be undefiled (kept honored) for God will judge and punish the unchaste (all guilty of sexual vice (corruption, moral fault, defect, deformity, abnormal behavior pattern…detrimental to health or usefulness)) and adulterous.
In his book One Flesh God’s Gift of passion: Love, Sex & Romance in Marriage, Bob Yandian states, “It is significant that man and woman are the only creatures God designed to have sexual intercourse face-to-face. He did not design the animals to have sex facing each other…becoming ‘one flesh’ with your mate is the closest experience God has given in the natural to the intimate, face-to-face relationship we can have with him in the spirit (Yandian, 1993, p. 41).”
Sodomy: The homosexual proclivities (strong inherent inclination toward something objectionable) of the men of the city in Genesis 19:1-11; copulation with a member of the same sex or with an animal; noncoital and especially anal or oral copulation with a member of the opposite sex.
Given the noted, married Christians, though innocent of homosexuality are guilty of sodomy when they practice oral/anal sex.
As it is, your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost. One cure-all for questions regarding our behavior is if the Holy Spirit gives you peace about a matter. Know this, that God won’t say it’s OK for one couple to engage in oral sex and another not to. Usually Christians, who participated in alternative sex in the world, carry the practices over into their marriage and think it’s OK. They do not normally feel convicted until a question is posed or one or both get Biblical revelation on the matter. Since your spouse is still your sibling in the Lord, you must treat them as you would your relationship with Christ. Another question to ask is would you “go down” on Jesus to express your love and intimacy?
Finally, God is VERY purposeful in His ways. So, when in doubt about what to do, always research the purpose or original intent for a thing. Not seeing a direct reference for an action does not automatically communicate that it is safe to proceed. The Bible is an outline of what God expects with examples of consequences more than a list of thou shall not: smoke weed, be homosexual, drink alcohol, participate in reveling or abort a baby…. Was your mouth made for eating, laughing, talking, kissing, praising, sucking (yes the Bible does mention that men and babies suck the breast) or was your mouth made for copulating in places where waste is excreted? Use a Bible Concordance to research ways that the mouth, hands, eyes, body were used. And too, guard your heart and mind.
Thanks for the detailed comment, I. edwards, and I appreciate the time you took to write it. I agree that God desires to have face-to-face relationships with his followers (that is one of the characteristics of Christianity that makes it different than many other “world religions”). Interesting, of the few recorded face-to-face interactions in the Old Testament (there are only five), each one was initiated by God and none of them seem similar to our normal human-human relationships. Of course, God’s ultimate initiation of a face-to-face relationship was in the person of Jesus.
I think we have to be careful, however, if we assume that every detail of our marriage relationships is required to mirror our relationship with God. If we follow that logic, we shouldn’t have sex at all (since we don’t have a sexual relationship with God), we shouldn’t touch our spouse (since we can’t touch God), etc. If God’s intent was that our marriages should exactly mirror our relationship with God, then his command to reproduce (Genesis 1:28) would be quite confusing. Clearly, human-human marriage, and human-divine relationships are not mirror images of each other. Not that the Bible says they are totally different (there are lots of similarities, such as communication, trust, etc), but they are not identical.
Regarding the statement that “If you have to ask if you should perform a particular act, it’s a clear sign that you shouldn’t”, I am a bit unclear as to your intended meaning. Are you suggesting that if we simply ask a question, we should not do an action? If so, where would discipleship, mentoring, growth, discussion, etc, fit in? How can we learn, if we can’t ask? It seems that the statement implies that every person somehow knows everything, and we should not ask question but simply do what we are told. Apart from the clear teachings of the Bible, that is a dangerous road to travel down.
Also, I am not sure of the value of making statements that link oral sex to homosexuality, sodomy, going down on Jesus, siblings in the Lord, etc. They are provocative comments, but not really relevant to the topic.
I agree that “Not seeing a direct reference for an action does not automatically communicate that it is safe to proceed.”, but we need to be equally careful that we don’t take the absence of a clear teaching and make one up in it’s place instead. That is where discernment, the Holy Spirit, questions and discussion, etc play such an important role.
Thanks again, I. edwards, and I appreciate the time you took to comment.
Mark